I am a regular guy. I like to think I am anyway. I'm pretty sure that subconsciously, I don't think I am. I work hard to make people believe that I am just a quirky guy but as normal as anyone else. the point is, I like to think I fit in. I never do, though. Really, I'm either on someone else's platform or substandard to the point of non-recognition.
I am currently a leader at my job. The job is to be a leader over others. There is nobody under me and there are MANY tiers above me. I lead normal people. Think "camp counselor" but a lot more serious and long term. I have to plan and be available, I have to check up and give advice, and I have to punish for breaking rules while giving praise to those who don't. I'm no better than anyone else here. I just have a little more experience. Because of that experience, I look like some kind of Demigod. The more those I am leading get to know me, the more like a statue of rust I become than the statue of gold they assumed. Far below from far above.
From my previous post I hope you figured out that I came in late. I missed all of the inside jokes, the close bonds from last year, the stories, training, experiences, etc. They all went to eat together at a buffet not far from where we work. They went last year and took a great picture together illustrating their differing personalities. I think it's a great picture. We have a folder we trade off each day. The folder used to have the faces of all of the people who do our job in our specific area all looking up at the camera. Since I arrived, they have replaced the picture with the one from the buffet. My face was taped over the man's I replaced. I feel no ingratitude but it is just a little saddening. May nobody let anyone I know know. It's a great picture and it's a great representation of who we are. It just represents something true about this whole... situation.
It's how I really feel about what's happening. I feel like they all miss him and they all wish the man I replaced was still here. I don't feel like I'm actually part of this family. I'm not really part of this clan. I'm not really a part of this cohort. I'm just a puppet, a surrogate for the man who left. Like planting a pole in the ground where a tall tree used to be with all of the other trees still waving and swinging in the breeze. I'm just a pole, guys.
Just a head taped onto the body of a man they all loved.
